Journal Entry … How did I get here?

I could go into diverse places (high/low) and traverse different realms and earthly realities. It sounds supernatural but it is as simple as entering a third-world country or attending an event at the White House. Not that it is simple to do those things but that is what it means, being in the jungle of Peru or in a talk show audience in Chicago. We operate on different levels, planes, groupings, or in varied lifestyles.

I have certain qualities and aptitudes that have carried me through certain portals into new worlds, states, countries, rooms, hearts, and minds. For instance, being chosen for a college, accepting then leaving home and entering a different world, campus. I have continually been chosen, recruited, and picked for many things that I did not sign up for or apply to.

From elementary age, I was chosen for special field trips, roles/tasks, education programs, competitions, jobs, and relationships even. When I look back at the summation of my life many of my steps have been taken by my acceptance of an offer or walking through an opened door.

Most often I have not chosen my realm or place. I have been placed. Some of my own choices lead me off course and into danger.

When it is all said and done, I crave the connections of love without much given to the matter of realm or place. Although, it may not appear to be that way. The energy of love can be found in various spaces. I love people across many states and my heart versus my assignment leaves me torn between placements. I could easily live in a small town among family and friends, volunteer my knowledge, and help people but it has not been the case. When presented with opportunities my curiosities, ambitions, and abilities move me to and through different realities.

I am led by my spirit but I have also been led by my flesh. Choosing with love and morality versus ego or carnal wanting.

I confuse others and I understand why at this moment. My desires don’t match my actions often because I don’t move based on desire. I move based on my spirit. I choose doors by calculating qualities aligned with traits consistent with God.

I have been asked many times why I chose to relocate to Arizona and I have to say, God. I can detail the occurrences that moved my spirit or how the spirit moved me but it is difficult to articulate and difficult to communicate here even in an explanation to myself.

I could try to chronicle how I have been moved through life, levels, and loves. At this moment I pause and really contemplate how much of my life has been me making decisions and how much has been God placing me.